My Uncle The Romantic

This is the uncle with whom once looked me straight in the eye and told me, "A woman's job is to raise children and take care of her family. That should be your number one priority, whether it means putting your own career on hold or not."

Don't get me wrong. He means well. Yes, he has a twisted view of the world and would probably agree to that old famous line, "A woman belongs in the kitchen", but he's a good guy.

Since I announced that I was moving to LA, this uncle has been particularly interested in my life. Surprising, as it seems, he's just as interested in me succeeding as he is in me bearing children. He's done everything since my announcement including giving me the name and number of all his business associates in LA, and calling at least once a week to check on how my job searches are going.

Today was no different. He called and asked how I was settling in and how the job hunt was going. We chatted for a while and I told him I was actively searching. He then proceeded to give me good old fashioned advice, including to exploit the fact that I was a woman, and therefore a minority. Which is fine, I guess, as he told me that in a joking manner. He told me things like, "Don't take no for an answer" and "Never give up." I appreciate the sentiment, and even more so when he tells me how he knows I'll do well.

The conversation drifted to more casual conversation when he decided to give me an update on his step-daughter. She a little older than me. Divorced, with three children. He told me she had been talking to some guys an eHarmony, and by his tone, I could tell he was trying to convince me to do the same. "It's great how they match you up by your background." Slyly then turning the conversation back to LA and how when I meet someone I need to know their background and make sure I know their true intentions. If he was trying to sell eHarmony to me, he failed his conquest when he mentioned that one of the guys she's talking to told her, "You can learn more about me by watching 'The Notebook'". Gag. Amazingly, she swooned. I swear, if a guy ever said that to me, I'd say something to the effect of, "You can learn more about me by watching 'Fatal Attraction'".

Anyway, I digress. We then continued talking about how I can present myself to find a job...I think. He starts saying that no matter what they say, whether it's I'm too short, or too tall, to not give up. He continues to list attributes which seemed to me to be more fit for a Dating Game rather than a job search, but never came right out and said it, still working under the pretense of a job search.

The guy is smooth. He's a saleman, and is good at his job. But I caught on. I guess it didn't take a genius, but he was talking just as much about me finding a potential husband and seed-bearer than he was me finding a job. (Of course, in hindsight I do remember him saying something about there being lots of people with a lot of money here, so maybe he was grouping the two.)

The conversation went on, unfortunately. Not that I don't enjoy talking to him, it's just the man can talk and talk and talk and say about three things fifty million ways. He went on to tell me the story of how the CEO of Bank of America got his first position in the bank. The story goes, he interviewed and didn't get the job. He went back home to his father who was furious. His father had some big connections at local banks, and according to my uncle, called the bank and demanded they give his son a job. He went back, and got the job. I guess the lesson I learned here, is if at first you don't succeed, get a parent on the phone to tell the prospective employer how independent and self-sufficent you really are.

Or of course, as he pointed out, he has some clients in NY who are, "Italian with some sketchy connections." I kid you not. In all seriousness, he told me that if I had a problem with someone, let him know and they can, "Take care of it". What?!! I may be naive, but I think the least effective way of getting a job is somehow harming your potential employer. He went on to tell me that they claimed to know where Jimmy Hoffa was. When he asked me if I knew who that was, and I answered in the affirmative, he went on to tell me anyways. Because that's just the kind of guy he is.

I know he has nothing but good intentions, but the last 45 minutes I spent talking to him, were some of the most entertaining in a while. Man, if and when I ever get married, this Uncle is going to be tossing some major birdseed.