Family Fued

I got in a fight this week with my brother, in what I can only hope is for the best. We are currently not speaking, which is bizarre to me because even when we'd punch each other mercilessly when we were kids, five minutes later we'd be watching TV together and laughing. The story is he went to a concert with some of my friends, a NIN concert I had no interest in, and as I was getting ready for my evening out, I get texts that he had just yelled at them because someone spilled his beer. Okay, not only was I embarrassed that my brother had gotten out of line with my friends, I was worried because he gets in these moods where the smallest things will set him off to an unbelievably non-rational place. Consider my night ruined. I tried to call him, but nothing. I got word he was calmed down and hoped that they had worked things out. Still with me knowing the next day I would have to confront him about it.

Cut to: The next day.

I try and get in contact with him all day and nothing. Finally at 8pm, I call and he answers. So I ask him what happened and immediately he starts getting defensive. The story was that he had gone to get someone a beer and when he got back, not only was everyone gone, but his $13 beer was spilled. Annoying, yes. So when they returned, he said, in a tone that isn't so sweet, "Someone spilled my beer! Someone spilled my -bleeping- beer!" Anyway, I told him as sweetly as possible that it wasn't the right way to deal with the situation and he said, "I can yell at whoever I want!" "I can be angry if I want to!" "I do what I want!" Then I told him at the very least he should apologize to MY FRIEND, to which he responded, "I'm tired of apologizing my whole life!" Now, I'm like, "Okkkay. Here we gooooo. Act 1, Scene 1." Over-dramatic much? Anyway, long conversation short, it went bad, then good, then suddenly, very bad. He wasn't listening to anything I was saying and was taking it as a personal attack, even though all I was trying to get through to him is that I was worried because he was showing signs of someone who couldn't control their frustrations, and then suddenly, after talking to a brick wall for 20 minutes, I snapped, (a sign the temper thing might be hereditary), and said, "You know what? Fine! Yell at your friends all you want, but don't you ever yell at MY friends ever again!" And hung up. And then silence. For two days. So yesterday, I wrote an email that as sweetly as possible kept my position but reiterated I just wanted him to be happy and to be able to control these things. And nothing! I'm so at a loss at to what to do. It's eating at me! I can't stand it knowing he's hating me right now. The good news is, something I said must have struck a cord with him because he did end up apologizing to my friend, via Facebook. So now I've told my sister, and she's all worried but I can't go to him now. I have to wait for him. I think? Anyway, I hope that he's doing some self-reflection and that he won't completely fall off the face of the earth, like my cousin did at about his age, where he cut off all communication from the family, dropped out of school, and is out roaming the world somewhere, rumor has it, Los Angeles.

Umm, so that's what's on my mind right now. And finding a new job, and a new apartment, and getting a response back from an old crush about a wedding (not ours), and keeping the bugs out of my current apt. But the weather is beautiful here now, and I love September and the ocean, and not working. I'm finding peace the best way I know how:



Not everything is bad right now, but things seem to never be perfect!