Matthew Perry walked by me last night. Looking hot, I may add! He was at the movies with some friends. The friend I was with has been to the movies 5 times since she's lived in LA, including last night. Three of those five? She's seen Mr. Perry. Lucky girl. After he left, she started talking about how funny it is she's seen him so much to which I promptly responded, "Rachel! Stop stealing my thunder!"
So officially, I've figured out what I do when I see someone I love. I freeze and go silent and concentrate on not passing out. The probability of me ever being able to actually speak words is so slim I wonder if I'll ever have the guts to say, "Good job in Numb", which is what I had been planning on saying when I finally crossed paths with Matthew.
My pup is sick but she's not acting like it except a few choice moments in which my heart falls to my feet. We're going to the vet tomorrow to figure out just what's going on. I'm pretty nervous about that actually. Moving on...
In the span of twenty four hours, I got two exciting job prospects placed in my "Maybe" column.
And, you know when you make coffee and it's all wrong, too watery or too strong or during the process of coffee-making, the filter was pushed inwards causing grounds to spill into the maker, and its so much that when you put in the creamer you can see the grounds floating? And you try to drink it anyway, but it's so bad you have to deprive your body of caffeine for a longer time, so you pour the coffee into the sink and frown as the too light or too dark coffee circles in the drain, (or more realistically, splashes down the pile of dirty dishes, going to a drain that you know is down there somewhere). And you vow to make it worth your while this time by making the best pot of coffee you have ever made, but when you finally get it all made, you taste it, and while it's a little better, it's not the best cup you've ever made, but you drink it anyway, because third times a charm doesn't apply to you when you need caffeine and don't want to waste anymore of your freshly ground coffee, and even though it doesn't taste just right, you smell it and need it, so you take it down with a grimace and vow that tomorrow, you will make the best pot of coffee you have ever made.
This is how I feel about most of my life right now.
On the subject of coffee, just wanted to let you know that while I still love my coffeemaker, the honeymoon is sooo over. Just not putting out the way it use to, you know? (That was just too easy.)
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Sunday, April 20, 2008
The Great Misheard
Okay, my favorite misheard lyrics are always when I think a song is saying something really sweet, and then, well, I discover that's not the case. I was lying in bed a few minutes ago looking up lyrics of Liz Phair's cd "Somebody's Miracle" when I found out something that made me laugh out loud.
But first, let me give you a different classic example.
Barenaked Ladies, "Break Your Heart". For years, when it got to the breakdown-screamy part I had always belted out, "And Now I'm In Love With You!" The song is basically about this guy who leads this girl on and she falls for him. She finds out, and they have a big argument. She gives it to him good and breaks it off with him. Now, at this point, I had always assumed that once she left him, he had realized he was in love with her but it was too late and so sad and no one won. But no. It actually says: "And now I'm *over you*, I'll be OK, now that I've got what I want, and that's rid of you - goodbye."
Okay so different story that I laughed about for a while. I was sad, however, that the song isn't quite as downtroddened (in the good way), as it sounds it should be.
Now for Liz Phair. I think I'm going to be doing a whole blog entry on this albim in the future, but for now I'll just say, wow. I love this woman.
Okay, in the song "Got My Own Thing", it's a pretty cheerful beat about this lady and her fella. Now, I was singing part of the chorus, "Oh, boy, I'd love to have beautiful day - you're so bad, watch the silly things you do. Oh boy, I'd love to have beautiful day, I hope you're swinging this way too."
Haha! I realize this is not exactly grammatically correct, but it sounded cute and fun, and I imaged a cute couple eating ice cream in front of a tv in their pjs and laughing.
Not quite. I just discovered the actual lyrics are:
"Oh, boy, I'd love to help, give you enough rope to hang yourself and watch the silly things you do. Oh, boy I'd love to help, give you enough rope to hang yourself - I hope you're swinging this way too."
MUCH DIFFERENT! Ha.
It's so obvious now but----
I don't know why I never knew about this album until very recently. She kinda helped shape my teenage years a bit. She's half of what I am, and half I what I wish I was.
Look up this album ASAP. Love, love, love, love, etc
But first, let me give you a different classic example.
Barenaked Ladies, "Break Your Heart". For years, when it got to the breakdown-screamy part I had always belted out, "And Now I'm In Love With You!" The song is basically about this guy who leads this girl on and she falls for him. She finds out, and they have a big argument. She gives it to him good and breaks it off with him. Now, at this point, I had always assumed that once she left him, he had realized he was in love with her but it was too late and so sad and no one won. But no. It actually says: "And now I'm *over you*, I'll be OK, now that I've got what I want, and that's rid of you - goodbye."
Okay so different story that I laughed about for a while. I was sad, however, that the song isn't quite as downtroddened (in the good way), as it sounds it should be.
Now for Liz Phair. I think I'm going to be doing a whole blog entry on this albim in the future, but for now I'll just say, wow. I love this woman.
Okay, in the song "Got My Own Thing", it's a pretty cheerful beat about this lady and her fella. Now, I was singing part of the chorus, "Oh, boy, I'd love to have beautiful day - you're so bad, watch the silly things you do. Oh boy, I'd love to have beautiful day, I hope you're swinging this way too."
Haha! I realize this is not exactly grammatically correct, but it sounded cute and fun, and I imaged a cute couple eating ice cream in front of a tv in their pjs and laughing.
Not quite. I just discovered the actual lyrics are:
"Oh, boy, I'd love to help, give you enough rope to hang yourself and watch the silly things you do. Oh, boy I'd love to help, give you enough rope to hang yourself - I hope you're swinging this way too."
MUCH DIFFERENT! Ha.
It's so obvious now but----
I don't know why I never knew about this album until very recently. She kinda helped shape my teenage years a bit. She's half of what I am, and half I what I wish I was.
Look up this album ASAP. Love, love, love, love, etc
Friday, April 18, 2008
Spoons
Here's an actual ad from Facebook I was talking about the other day.
If I had a friend with a spoon collection, I'd be convinced someone was following me. Luckily, I don't. Poor sap who did get that ad and actually is having a problem with their spoon-collecting friend. I imagine they are probably thoroughly fruked out right now.
If I had a friend with a spoon collection, I'd be convinced someone was following me. Luckily, I don't. Poor sap who did get that ad and actually is having a problem with their spoon-collecting friend. I imagine they are probably thoroughly fruked out right now.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
My Lost Might Be Voice
My night as is follows:
It started off with my (male) friend coming to pick me up. Of course, the moment I sat to pee, he knocks on the door. I hear him saying something, so I scream, "Hold on!" My dog is barking and I hurry up and flush, turning the corner out of my bathroom, pulling my pants up as i go. The second I turn the corner, he is walking in my door! Pants still not up! He had thought I said "Come in!" not "Hold on." At this moment I knew that that alone was going to put this night on the books. So anyway, we went to the roller derby again and, again, had a blast. I consumed two Hot Dog on a Stick corndogs, which was the sum of my food consumed today, seeing as I woke up at a miserable, sun-lite two-thirty. (I hate missing the morning, which is the downfall of being on a night schedule.) After that, we decided to go to the after-party at a club-ish type of place where, I, gasp-shock-awe, DANCED. Danced like that country song encourages. Then we proceeded to our friends' house where we played cards and I then consumed an eDiets dinner, which was pretty effin good. Then there was karaoke. And I'll just say it didn't sing me. I sang like that country song encourages. At one point there was a beatbox set up for me to rap, which, I'm kinda actually good at. Woof. And then I sang just about every song - but my shining moment: "What's Up" by 4 non-blondes. It was so bad it was so good. I felt like a rockstar, (an illusion that is only further by the fact that there is a bra silhouette on my television set at the moment.) Anyway, we finally decided it was time to call it a night, and walked outside and the sun was up. That's right. The sun was up. It's effin morning time folks! Def a night for the books.
It started off with my (male) friend coming to pick me up. Of course, the moment I sat to pee, he knocks on the door. I hear him saying something, so I scream, "Hold on!" My dog is barking and I hurry up and flush, turning the corner out of my bathroom, pulling my pants up as i go. The second I turn the corner, he is walking in my door! Pants still not up! He had thought I said "Come in!" not "Hold on." At this moment I knew that that alone was going to put this night on the books. So anyway, we went to the roller derby again and, again, had a blast. I consumed two Hot Dog on a Stick corndogs, which was the sum of my food consumed today, seeing as I woke up at a miserable, sun-lite two-thirty. (I hate missing the morning, which is the downfall of being on a night schedule.) After that, we decided to go to the after-party at a club-ish type of place where, I, gasp-shock-awe, DANCED. Danced like that country song encourages. Then we proceeded to our friends' house where we played cards and I then consumed an eDiets dinner, which was pretty effin good. Then there was karaoke. And I'll just say it didn't sing me. I sang like that country song encourages. At one point there was a beatbox set up for me to rap, which, I'm kinda actually good at. Woof. And then I sang just about every song - but my shining moment: "What's Up" by 4 non-blondes. It was so bad it was so good. I felt like a rockstar, (an illusion that is only further by the fact that there is a bra silhouette on my television set at the moment.) Anyway, we finally decided it was time to call it a night, and walked outside and the sun was up. That's right. The sun was up. It's effin morning time folks! Def a night for the books.
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
sophisticated technology that freaks me out
ugh. I just got off work. blimey. Long night with lots of "I don't even want to BE HERE" moments and even more, "can I tell my co-worker to eff off and still retain my work friendships?" moments. I really don't even want to get into it. Let's just say "ugh" and be done with it. ugh.
What I do want to get into is how Facebook has been freaking me out lately. Seriously. Have you guys ever checked out the ads they have on there? At first it was innocent enough, an ad for a movie coming to DVD that I had stated on my profile I liked. Easy enough. Then it got a little more strange when things I Googled started popping up. Still, I found an explanation. It can see what I Google. Freaky? Yes. Suspect? These days, no. I started seeing "Quit Smoking" ads and found that strange too. But I figured that it was a campaign for all young people.
THEN, my friends, it gets really weird. So I ate at The Cheesecake Factory on Sunday night. This is the first time I believe I have ever typed "Cheesecake factory". Well yesterday, I'm playing a game of poker on Facebook, my new addiction, and there pops up an ad. For what? THE CHEESECAKE FACTORY. Which makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. After being reminded of my gluttonous dinner, I start THINKING about how I need to work out. And no joke, an ad for a personal trainer comes up. Now, what the eff is going on here? Is it reading my mind??? Can it access my financial records?!? I know that these ads are specifically geared towards me because of the previous examples. (They always have something to do with what I've typed/messaged about lately.) But these last ones just knocked me for a second. I hadn't told anyone about my dinner. I had told less people about how I was thinking about getting a personal trainer. Then I start thinking about all the other ads that have popped up and realized that Facebook knows more about me than my own mother!
And it has seemed to paint a portrait of me that freaks me out a bit. All my vices on the glaring surface of my computer. It has hit all my weak spots at one point or another. And I'm a little pissed actually that they haven't brought out any of my fun and exciting qualities! "Awesome kites!" "Sky diving lessons!" "Dog parks!" "Bikes!" "Books!" They have just seemed to harp a bit on my downfalls here and have put me in some category I don't want to be in. (If ads start popping up for Moo-Moos and Hoverrounds I tossing the damn computer out of the window.)
Freaks. me. out.
Oh! I have an even more horrifying thought! What if Facebook can gather enough information to hypothesis your date of death and starts advertising things one might need in order for such an event. Horror movie! Hello! Hand over that paycheck South Africa, (they love those low-budg horror flicks, or so I hear).
Oh! One more Hopper photo for you to snuggle with. This one is from Malibu this past Saturday. She was digging up our feet! Or as my mom likes to think - looking for my lost car key. Yes, lost car key. On the beach. On the far reaches of Los Angeles County. With a cell phone in my locked car. With the knowledge I had been playing in the water. I didn't find the key, (I fear it may be well on it's way to Japan by now), but I've realized the more I tell this story, the more anticlimatic it is. So for entertainments sake, let's just pretend my window wasn't cracked just so and I didn't have a valet key tucked in my console, and instead, Hopper, friend, and I were forced to camp out on the beach until we finally ran into a nice fellow carrying a slim jim who hot wired the car and sent us on our way. Yes, that would have been a better story. Oh! Picture!
Sleep time!
What I do want to get into is how Facebook has been freaking me out lately. Seriously. Have you guys ever checked out the ads they have on there? At first it was innocent enough, an ad for a movie coming to DVD that I had stated on my profile I liked. Easy enough. Then it got a little more strange when things I Googled started popping up. Still, I found an explanation. It can see what I Google. Freaky? Yes. Suspect? These days, no. I started seeing "Quit Smoking" ads and found that strange too. But I figured that it was a campaign for all young people.
THEN, my friends, it gets really weird. So I ate at The Cheesecake Factory on Sunday night. This is the first time I believe I have ever typed "Cheesecake factory". Well yesterday, I'm playing a game of poker on Facebook, my new addiction, and there pops up an ad. For what? THE CHEESECAKE FACTORY. Which makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. After being reminded of my gluttonous dinner, I start THINKING about how I need to work out. And no joke, an ad for a personal trainer comes up. Now, what the eff is going on here? Is it reading my mind??? Can it access my financial records?!? I know that these ads are specifically geared towards me because of the previous examples. (They always have something to do with what I've typed/messaged about lately.) But these last ones just knocked me for a second. I hadn't told anyone about my dinner. I had told less people about how I was thinking about getting a personal trainer. Then I start thinking about all the other ads that have popped up and realized that Facebook knows more about me than my own mother!
And it has seemed to paint a portrait of me that freaks me out a bit. All my vices on the glaring surface of my computer. It has hit all my weak spots at one point or another. And I'm a little pissed actually that they haven't brought out any of my fun and exciting qualities! "Awesome kites!" "Sky diving lessons!" "Dog parks!" "Bikes!" "Books!" They have just seemed to harp a bit on my downfalls here and have put me in some category I don't want to be in. (If ads start popping up for Moo-Moos and Hoverrounds I tossing the damn computer out of the window.)
Freaks. me. out.
Oh! I have an even more horrifying thought! What if Facebook can gather enough information to hypothesis your date of death and starts advertising things one might need in order for such an event. Horror movie! Hello! Hand over that paycheck South Africa, (they love those low-budg horror flicks, or so I hear).
Oh! One more Hopper photo for you to snuggle with. This one is from Malibu this past Saturday. She was digging up our feet! Or as my mom likes to think - looking for my lost car key. Yes, lost car key. On the beach. On the far reaches of Los Angeles County. With a cell phone in my locked car. With the knowledge I had been playing in the water. I didn't find the key, (I fear it may be well on it's way to Japan by now), but I've realized the more I tell this story, the more anticlimatic it is. So for entertainments sake, let's just pretend my window wasn't cracked just so and I didn't have a valet key tucked in my console, and instead, Hopper, friend, and I were forced to camp out on the beach until we finally ran into a nice fellow carrying a slim jim who hot wired the car and sent us on our way. Yes, that would have been a better story. Oh! Picture!
Sleep time!
Thursday, April 03, 2008
F***ing Obama!!!!
My head is going to explode from the hilarity I'm about to share with you. A couple of months ago, these videos came out:
Okay genius. Right? I mean how can it get better than that?!?! Brad Pitt. Harrison Ford. Cameron Diaz. Josh Groban for goodness sakes!
OKAY BUT HERE'S THE THING. IT DOES GET BETTER.
NO WORDS!
Okay genius. Right? I mean how can it get better than that?!?! Brad Pitt. Harrison Ford. Cameron Diaz. Josh Groban for goodness sakes!
OKAY BUT HERE'S THE THING. IT DOES GET BETTER.
NO WORDS!
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