My Mom, The Teacher, Guiding Kids Toward Greatness

While I sit here on my porch, desperately trying to hydrate my body, (and hoping that this hydration can come from coffee), I call my mother for her birthday. She's a kindergarten teacher and turned 55 today. I know she's with her class, but she still manages to pick up her phone when I call. In fact, one conversation we had once went like this:

"Hello?"

"Hi Mom."

"Hey, what are you doing?"

"Oh nothing. Just driving to the grocery store to finally get some groceries so I can stop eating all the junk in my house and passing it off as good food."

"Good! You should go to the grocery store more often so you don't have to do that!"

"Mom, Hopper did the cutest thing thing morning-- Wait. What are you doing right now?"

"I'm standing in front of the chalkboard and teaching the kids their ABCs."

"Mom!"

"What?"

"You answered your phone in the middle of a lesson!?"

"Yeah so?"

"You aren't supposed to do that!"

"It's funny, all the kids are staring at me and cocking their heads-"

"Because you're their teacher on you're on the phone! Why don't you see the issue here?"

"It's fine. They aren't getting any better anyway."

"Mom! They can hear you!"

"They don't know I'm talking about them."

"Just call me back okay?"

"Wait, what did Hopper do that was cute?"

"I'm not having this conversation with all the kids staring at you."

"I'm used to it."

"Mom! Just call me back sheesh."

"Okay, love you."

"You too."

So I call her this morning and immediately ask if she's with her class and she explains most of them are on the playground but she's with a few finishing their work. I feel like this is a green flag for conversation so I begiin to wish her happy birthday, etc. It is then I hear her talking to one of her students and she says to me, "Pretend to be his mom and tell him that he has to finish his work."

"What?!? Mom no-"

A little voice comes on the phone, "Mom?"

I'm silent for a second and then in my best mom voice I say, "Finish your work."

He begins to mumble on and on about something but I'm not fluent in toddler yet so I just sit there in silence waiting for my mom to get back on the phone. He asks some sort of question, I can tell from his tone, and I say "Um hmmmm." My mom's voice comes back on the line and she starts rattling off more lies for me to tell this kid. I stop her, "Mom!"

"What?" she asks innocently.

"I'm not going to lie to this kid!"

"What did you say to him?"

"I recited all the curse words I know."

"You're a mess."

"You're a mess! Happy birthday. Teach your class and I'll call you back later."

"Okay, love you."

"You too."

Click.

Come on coffee! Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate!